A641.2.3.RB_PALUGODCAROLYN

     It’s always been surprising to me how much we learn about ourselves when doing personal surveys.  When responding to whether or not I am a resonant leader I found at first that I was lying to myself.  As I wrote my answers and read them, I was conscious to the fact that some of my replies were on many levels untrue.  This makes me think that my internal awareness is not intact and I am only responding how I think I should.  Instead of being mindful, I feel more mindless after doing the exercise.  

     One of my downfalls is what my family likes to call “my floating head”.  They are in constant awe of my complete obliviousness when my floating head decides to take a trip to la-la land.  I have a bad tendency to day dream and slip away, even in the middle of a conversation.  This type of behavior has pegged me as being absent-minded, self-centered and even downright rude.   I honestly do not believe that I am self-centered but instead have difficulties in tuning into my environment. Despite all my training in meditation and yoga, my biggest challenge is being present.  I find it difficult to stay grounded.  Because of this I can many times be completely unaware of what is going on around me.  I can miss complete conversations that are occurring in front of me because I become easily distracted by my thoughts and surroundings.  This type of mindless behavior can be dangerous if you imagine it being applied not only in safe scenarios such boardrooms and offices, but for example when driving. Wegela explains that all mindlessness practices basically “cut us off from the direct experience of our body and sense perceptions. Mind is in one place, and body is in another. This is sometimes described as "de-synchronization" of body and mind” (Wegela, 2011).  I do however want to differentiate between different types of mindfulness.  One can be compassionate and mindful of people’s emotions and behaviors, such as I am, but not necessarily mindful of their own actions or other more physical things that are happening in their environment.  For example, many times I slip into a sort of autopilot when conducting my administrative duties.  The danger of this is that I am more prone to making mistakes.  Yet, when speaking with my students about their academic goals, I am very mindful of their emotions and expectations and react with resonant behavior.  Mindfulness can also be understood as “a state of active awareness characterized by the continual creation and refinement of categories, an openness to new information, and a willingness to view contexts from multiple perspectives” (Levinthal & Rerup, 2006, p. 502).  In this aspect I consider myself to be consistently mindful and open to other perspectives and new information.  I am always eager to learn of better and more efficient ways of doing things.

     Interestingly though, I am very perceptive of people’s emotions and energies and can easily tune into them if I am being “present”.  I believe that my ability to perceive people’s emotions is because of my extraordinary compassion.  I easily cry and feel an unearthly obligation to save every creature I can, be it man or beetle.  I have been known to cry for stepping on snails by accident.  I feel tremendous grief when I am the cause of suffering for any man or animal and will become consumed by these thoughts for hours and even days.  My therapist used to tell me that I suffered from chronic guilt syndrome.  The problem with guilt is that it can be another form of self-criticism that, if not kept in check, will make you sensitive and sore and which will feed your defensive mechanism (Berglas, 2012).

     I do however believe that when I am “present” I can be extremely motivational and inspiring.  Although, I must admit that this type of positivism does not extend to myself.  I am everyone’s best cheerleader except my own.  I find joy in complementing people and helping them in reaching their fullest potential.  I am talented when it comes to pumping and cheering people up.  Unfortunately, I am not so kind to myself and am very critical of my own actions and behaviors.  And although I am extremely humble, and become embarrassed when people give me compliments, I yearn for acceptance.  Because of this, I can be very defensive when receiving criticism.  It is something that I am slowly overcoming.

     I feel that if I am going to be a successful resonant leader, that I first need to find that resonance in myself.  My internal imbalance will surely transmit itself to others when trying to lead as we have learned that emotions are contagious.  In our reading, we learn that “leadership is a conscious process, starting with clarity about one’s own personal vision and hopes for the future” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 43).  I first need to conquer my own insecurities before I can practice any type of resonant leadership.  

References

Berglas, S. (2012). 6 signs you are suffering from guilt and probably don’t know it. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenberglas/2012/06/07/6-signs-you-are-suffering-from-guilt-and-probably-dont-know-it/

Levinthal, D., & Rerup, C. (2006, July/August). Crossing an apparent chasm: Bridging mindful and less-mindful perspectives on organizational learning. Organization Science, 17(4), 502-513,525-526. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/213832201?accountid=27203

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press.

Wegela, K. K. (2011). Untapped assets: The hidden potential in mindlessness. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-courage-be-present/201103/untapped-assets-the-hidden-potential-in-mindlessness

A641.1.3.RB _PALUGODCAROLYN

I’m not sure at what point in my life I started to listen.  Growing up my behavior was always self-destructive and I found it difficult to listen to people and take advice.  It seemed I was always either on the defensive or on attack mode.  Now, looking back, I realize that this was all brought on by my low self-esteem and lack of self -confidence.  I believe that personal growth started for me when I began to listen to others as well as listen to myself.  When I was able to crawl out of the self-preserved cocoon that I had built, I realized that people were not yelling and criticizing me all the time like I thought.  They were actually trying to teach me.  I think the first lesson when trying to develop and sustain change in your life is that you have to listen.  This brings me to my first big “a-ha” moment.  When I first met Polly, my Reiki instructor and mentor, I was severely depressed.  In fact, I went to her for a healing session because a friend of mine recommended her.  I remember lying on her table while she laid her hands on my body and “activated” my chakras.  At the time, I had no concept of the energetic being that I was.  I had no idea that my body was made up of more than just the physical sensations that I could feel with my human senses.  I wasn’t aware of the power of my intuition.  And neither was I aware of how, years to come, my intuition would be a part of the foundation of my personal growth and journey.  This was my first lesson in “listening”.  Polly taught me to listen to myself and trust my instincts.  Whereas before, when my instincts kicked-in, I would run like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction, I learned to be mindful of my thoughts, feelings and intuitive feelings and use them to think more critically.  This helped me to make better decisions and also improved how I related to other people.

Nora Vimala, my yoga instructor, was another mentor and what I like to think of as a life coach.  Under her guidance I learned the concepts of “mindfulness” and “meditation”.  Although Nora was far from being a traditional business leader, her teachings and relentless observance of living a “mindful” existence increased and shaped my emotional intelligence.  In fact, one study conducted by researchers demonstrated that there was a positive connection between the practice of yoga and the enhancement of emotional intelligence (Adhia, Nagendra, & Mahadevan, 2010), At the time, I was undergoing a complete personal transformation and trying to heal my emotional wounds.  Nora took me on a journey within and helped me see who I was with all my strengths and weaknesses, or as McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston (2008) labeled the Real Self.  Once you know who you are and where you are, with the guidance of a resonant leader, it is easy to follow the path towards where you want to be and become your Ideal Self (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008).  During my training with Nora, I was unaware that she was leading me through what McKee et al. (2008) describe as the process of Intentional Change.  Through this transformative process I learned and experimented with new behaviors, creating new and positive habits.  I believe that I was able to sustain these changes in my life because the environment that Nora created for us was safe and felt free of judgments (McKee et al., 2008).   These teachings later would be another building block for my professional transformation and I would learn to apply them to my work.

Although I feel that I am still a work in progress, I have realized that my emotional intelligence has increased over the years because of resonant leaders such as Polly and Nora.  The ability to identify my emotions, put them into perspective, manage them has all made it easier for me to build trusting and integral relationships with people (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005).  I feel since I’ve gone through the process myself of intentional change and it has made me more empathetic to others who I wish to lead.  In fact, my own personal journey, which includes all my successes and failures, makes me a stronger and more compassionate person when it comes to leading groups of people and motivating them towards a common goal.

References

Adhia, H., Nagendra, H., & Mahadevan, B. (2010, March-June). Impact of adoption of yoga way of life on the emotional intelligence of managers. IIMB Management Review, 22(1-2), 32-41. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.iimb.2010.03.003

Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press.